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Mail From: Paul Burr <(email redacted)>

want some yuks?
www.sniffpetrol.com

Here's a sample:

NEW RETRO OPTION PACKS FOR MINI

Buoyed by the success of the new Mini, BMW is to release new option
packs to capitalise on the car's retro design. The new packs will
compliment the existing Salt, Chili and Pepper trims, but are designed
to capture the appeal of the old Mini. First up, the Soy Sauce package
includes a unique engine management programme which will allow the car
to piss oil all over your drive. State-of-the-art multiplex wiring has
also allowed engineers to create deliberate 'bugs' in the car's
electrics, causing phantom operation of the lights, wipers and
de-misting fan whilst permitting them to 'pack up' when a sensor detects
bad weather. A second complimentary pack, dubbed Balsamic Vinegar, comes
with a feature linked to the rain sensing wipers which allows water to
leak into the car when it rains. Thanks to lightweight valve technology,
the water leak can be switched between ten different locations, making
it utterly impossible to trace. Ever. Balsamic Vinegar equipped cars
will also come with small pieces of loose metal inside randomly chosen
body cavities, creating a series of irritating and ever lasting rattles
which nothing short of dismantling the entire car will cure.
Continuing the old-skool theme, dealers will now offer a new deal to
compliment the revolutionary TLC servicing scheme. For an extra #100
customers can chose the PITA (Pain In The Arse) option which will
attempt to replicate the elusive 1970s BL dealer experience. Your car's
service will be done in a really half baked way and your Mini will be
returned scratched, dirty and smelling of spaniels. Some lucky customers
may even find that their car has been lent to a 17-year-old apprentice
who has had sex in the back seat and then crashed it into some sort of
tree.

Paul